I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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