the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
