party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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