does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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