No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
