from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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