U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
