I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
