Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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