so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
