omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
