spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
