Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
