let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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