My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
