I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we made out on top of his cat.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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