its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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