I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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