You're my little dorito
Can Purell be used as lube?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
