Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
