he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
