It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
