He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
