dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
