no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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