whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
