I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
