Do you still have your period?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Help. Why am I so naked?
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