i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
