I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
