like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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