38 yer olds are good kisserssss
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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