He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Farmville is her only friend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
