i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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