dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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