Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
