U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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