I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
