the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
