we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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