Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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