last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
