That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
