I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
