this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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