He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
