I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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