Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
