Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
