I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
