I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
