Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
