He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
